Being an Accepting Leader

Easier said than done. That’s the reaction I sometimes get when talking with leaders and managers. Working with people can be difficult and frustrating. People make mistakes, get irrational, and need things that seem unrelated to the mission of the business.

So where do you find the acceptance, the caring, the ‘love’? For me, it’s all in the heart. We need to remember that one person is not better than another. We are all born human and all have similar struggles with the human condition. Be careful not to judge, you have not walked in the other’s shoes.

“Fine,” I’ll hear, “but do I have to accept the times when people screw up?” My response is absolutely not. You accept the person, not necessarily their behavior. You would like to see each employee succeed and you are committed to helping them achieve high performance for their own personal success and for the good of the organization. This is why your messages about mistakes will be about the performance and not about the nature of the person.

Your goal is not to be a saint either. You can get annoyed, frustrated, or upset with people. Your emotional reaction can show that they matter and that what they do matters to the business. Your upset is because the business goals are being thwarted, not because they are idiots. And this is what you need to have clear in your heart and in your actions. So if you have been short or cross with someone you have to go back and let them know that you didn’t mean it personally.

If you are a manager and leader, you are probably oriented to outcomes: you want to achieve the mission of your organization. Remember, it is your attachment to those goals that gets you frustrated with people. Part of your growth as a leader is to be committed to the mission and to finding the best ways for people to achieve it. You don’t want to turn into HAL, the computer in 2001: A Space Odyssey, who had to eliminate the spaceship crew because he believed they threatened the mission.

People are much easier to accept when you have a full toolkit for working with them. Learn the six principles; it will work for you and for those you lead.

Tom DeMaio, PhD

www.DeMaioPsychology.com

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